Only a couple more days and I go home for a little bit....but there seems to be no shortage of work here in the last couple days. A lot has come up that I need to sort out before leaving (about the missions trip)....Do you ever feel like 'faith' is telling you one thing, (even though it may scare the crap out of you to step out in that faith) yet just as you are feeling a little more confident that it's all gonna work out, everything just sorta comes down....and there is nothing you could do about it.....Well that's how I'm feeling about this missions trip.....A few weeks ago when evaluating where we were at financially etc for the trip I was feeling really discouraged and unsure of things....We needed a lot more money up front than I thought (to book plane tickets)......but I was just like ok God we are gonna do this, and you are just gonna have to provide....(my thinking was, book the tickets, pay the deposit and in a month when the rest is due, God will provide it---I've read about God doing stuff like this before...why can't He do it here??) But now (beyond my control) it has been decided that we can't book the tickets for March......So ok God...How do I "step out in faith" now? Are we doing the right thing by not booking tickets....yes I agree in human terms we are....but what about GOD??!! I once again heard a sermon today that talked about having to take that step of faith...and we see throughout the Bible that people had to believe and act when Jesus performed miracles (like the cripple stretching out his hand) He must have thought "Jesus, that is the point....I can't stretch out my hand it's crippled....if you would show me it's healed first...than maybe I could do that for you Jesus"....NO!!! Jesus said stretch out your hand --trust me...and you'll be healed.....Do we do enough of that today???? Are we stretching out our hands to see God do miracles, or are we too focused on "the books" and the practical things that bog us down?......

To be honest I don't know the answer...Part of me very very strongly feels we need to step out in faith more often and we would see God do AMAZING things......but...am I just lacking discernment?? I'm not sure...All I know is something is missing in Christians lives...we are missing the spectacular, the miraculous....the unbelievable....We are missing the OTHERNESS of God......WHY?...well that's where I am at right now....why?...Why has this trip gone different than I have thought...is God gonna provide the money needed ($15 000) in the next day to book those tickets....(that is what I am praying for!!) but to be honest I don't know His plan....and I just pray that He is glorified in our decisions......

Not knowing why things happen is frusterating for me...but I was encouraged in Ecclesiastes today: "No one can comprehend what goes on under the sun. Despite all his efforts to search it out, man cannot discover its meaning. Even if a wise man claims he knows, he cannot really comprehend it." (Ecc 8:17)

Well I never claimed to be wise, and I don't claim to know, let alone comprehend....